I'm really starting to not like my mom. Maybe it's because I'm a teenager, but she's getting so damn annoying. She always picks on my faults and we fight all the time. Like, bad fights. Yelling and screaming and all that fun stuff. Then when I am finally able to say something, she'll stop being all mad like she's really bipolar and then she'll be all, "I love you," and try to give me a hug. wtf. so, everytime I push her away. I don't want a hug. I don't want to talk to you and I don't even want to see you, get away from me, seriously. Or if I go to watch t.v., she'll start to sit down next to me and watch it with me. I ask her to go away and then she'll be all, "How come I can't watch t.v. with my own daughter? How come you guys don't appreciate me?" and all this other crap. And our fights are getting worse because she called me a "fat ass" and apologized but there's no way I'm going to forgive her. My mom doesn't listen to everything. She still doesn't understand I need space after we fight, even my doctor told her that when people with A.D.D. get mad they want space and she still won't leave me alone! Then, the other day, I was trying to watch a movie I haven't seen before and she's yelling at me from the kitchen to do stuff. I told her, "Hold on mom! I'm watching a movie! I really want to see it!" Like a million times. She'd shut up for thirty seconds then would start yelling again and she yelled over probably the best lines from the movie but I only heard to of the lines because of my mom doing this. And then, she comes in and sits down next to me to watch the movie with me. WTF! We just fought! Go away! You don't even know what's going on! Then I try to tell her, "What if you were reading a really good book and right when you were starting to get into it, I took it from you and burned it and you couldn't find that book for the next four years? Not only can you not find it, you keep on hearing from people about what a good book it is." I thought maybe I got through, but she says, "Did you put your socks away?" "Mom! That doesn't matter! Don't you get what I just said? How would you feel?" "Yeah. Did you put your socks away?"
I may seem like I'm being harsh or immature about this whole thing, but she just gets worse every day. With all the shit I have to deal at at home, she just gives me more to deal with. She doesn't even care about me anymore. All she cares about is herself. Well, damn it, I need someone to care about me at home so I've shut her out and I care about myself. My life was really screwed up in middle school. I still don't know what it's like to go home to a family. I have people who are related to me that live in the same house as me, but they don't care about me. So, I look to my friends as my family. They actually care about me and love me but my mom isn't letting me have that anymore and that's why I'm writing this entry.
Not only does my mom now pick on every fault or mistake I make, she's pointing out my friends'. If something goes missing, it's because one of MY friends stole it. One of my friends ran the anime club last week and my mom got mad because this friend dropped the prices too low after my mom herself specifically told her to not drop them lower than what we paid for it because we can always return it and get our money back. I understand where my mom comes from on that one, but I know where my friend was coming from too. All the clubs were making money and selling a bunch of stuff while the few items on our table weren't even selling. Then my mom makes me point this out to my friend even though I didn't want to. I couldn't care less. This friend tried her best and was at this table all by herself and was just trying to help. I had to point out to her the fact my mom losing money because of this "stunt" and it looked like she was going to cry. I never wanted to tell her, I felt bad just thinking about it but now that I did, I don't think that guilt will ever go away.
Oh, and then there's last night. This same friend and another one of my friends went with me to Eastern State Pennitentary. My mom paid for their tickets online so we wouldn't have to wait in line with the understanding that they would pay her back. As we waited in line, my phone dies so I use my friend's phone to call my mom to report to her that we're fine and all that stuff. My mom didn't even ask how it was. As soon as she finds out we're waiting for another friend that will be there, she freaks out. "Don't worry about us mom. We're fine." I try to console her. "NO! You should be worried about me! I'm just sitting here on a street in Philadelphia and I don't feel safe." "Did you park at that place?" "No! It cost ten dollars!" And she continues to fight with me on the phone so every one in line can here us fighting and see me shouting into the phone at her. I told her she ruins everything and hung up. I bet last night could have been a lot more fun if I didn't try to be responsible and call her. I was upset for I don't even know how long after that. And my friends after that kept asking me, "Hey are you alright?" because they knew something was wrong. I told them I was fine because I tried to not care about the fight and I was having fun, but now that I look back on it, I think there was something wrong and it's all because of this woman who isn't a mother to me but claims she is my mom. At the end, we're having fun and one friend has money to buy food and souviniers. I ask for some fries and she gave me some money and we share the fries, all is good. When we get back to my house, my mom asks this friend when she will pay us back and she says, "I'll see what I can do," because she used the money she was supposed to pay us back with to buy these things. I could care less. I know she'll pay me back and I know if I was supposed to pay someone back and I had the money to but I was at an awesome place I knew I wouldn't get back to for a while, I'd buy myself stuff to with that money. My mom is still bugging me about this friend and is calling her irresponsible and is worried by the fact that she responded with, "I'll see what I can do." It's not like she lied to us.
Now I'm afraid I'll lose my friends because my mom is being a bitch. This is exactly what happened in elementary school. I complained about my dad to my friends, and then they'd get mad at me. Then I'd tell my mom about my good days and tell her what a friend said, and my mom would say, "Oh, I don't believe her, I think she's lying." Being little, I didn't know I wasn't supposed to repeat that so I said what my mom said quoting her saying that my mom said it turning the next day into a bad day. I lost those friends because of my parent's actions and with the way they're acting now, I'm afraid it will happen again. I cherish these friends because they mean the world to me and I know I'll probably think about hurting myself again like I did back then if I lose these friends too.